“The Malfunctioning Mammal” PTSD – At Home in the Dark





There is an UNSEEN GIFT in PTSD that often goes unnoticed. I discovered this gift when I began to pay attention to an energy within myself… that was frightening and that I had labelled the unbearable pit of sadness and grief.

There are often wastelands of horror inside we dare not visit alone, as we have been traumatized by the experience of early deprivation and trauma.

We become hungry ghosts fueled by deep hurt as violence and neglect have informed us with fear and distrust. A distrust further expanded as we sought for a sacred circle of trust to uncover our wounds, but every circle of trust we thought we found were flawed as we observed that sympathy digressed into pity and disdain.
We discovered that in the economic paradigm there was no one to provide the refuge we sorely desired, as everyone we encountered presumed a familiar sameness and projected their own assumptions as they needed to serve their own uneasiness that covered their own unseen pain.

Our for profit culture have replaced deeper sensory wisdom for words that we call knowledge and healing paradigms. Our intimacy with one another has been replaced by loops of programmed language and empty solutions.

Dr. Benjamin Fry observation is excellent:  Research into trauma origins reveals that untreated trauma inhibits the capacity of the nervous system to function appropriately and also significantly alters brain chemistry. Untreated trauma is the cause of many common mental health and behavioral disorders, and can lead to addictions.

Attachment is related to trauma. Early attachments are vital to our development. A child’s basic need for safety, nurturing, emotional, physical and psychological care and support is paramount for her or his optimum development.

For over twenty years plus I studied and engaged multiple scientific and spiritual healing modalities to address the inner dissonance (grief, sadness, anger and bouts with depression) to have a clear and coherent framework  for my own PTSD, and to finally feel and think myself a  whole, free, and valued being.  

I had great difficulty getting a clear view of what was always here, so direct and immediately available to fully arrive.   The early trauma blocked the essential  sensory integration and formed the veil that obstructed a clear seeing of the earth as a satiated paradise and the wholeness already inherent to all life.

My awareness disassociated  from receiving the whole  sensory embodiment, a reactive ‘self” protection mechanism.   This ‘self’ mechanism obstructed the process of integration, as the framework I worked with was flawed. I had come to believe I needed to understand the context and content for the PTSD to be able to heal. My meaning making and analyzing  prevented me from seeing the very immediate and direct opportunity for re-integration.

The Point Process evolved out of all my searching for solutions as a simple and practical breath and release vehicle for integration.  The darkness was recognized as relentless buckets of unprocessed grief, hurt, and sadness that was my opportune feedback to fully receive a satiated and self directed life.

May we all find our way to reclaim, restitute and restore the innate wholeness, dignity, and value we abdicated for an economic paradigm through colonizing our consciousness.


  1. inborn; natural.
    “her innate capacity for organization”

Please support the very essential indigo project by Charles Shaw so we collectively can begin to address the core traumas that maintains our misconception of the economic necessity for growth. We have been generationally co-opted to believe that economic growth signifies safety but it is a false delusion of safety. Much LUV, n



About n h english

Natasha English is a Transpersonal / Nondual Therapist with a private practice in West Vancouver, BC. Since 2007 she has taken a psychosomatic approach to healing and personal development.
This entry was posted in Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, Post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, Trauma and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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