The Discovery of your Wholeness


Many times, unknown to our conscious awareness, we cut ourselves of from feeling deeply.  It is a conditioned response by the body / mind mechanism, an instant numbing down or avoiding what is up in the moment. It is a fear self cloaked in an impression that has become a belief about our self.

We do it most often as an involuntary response because it is so deeply affect our simple beingness, so we stir away from it, like we steer away from a bump in the road, we do an emotional Houdini and go around it.

When we reject these deep emotions, we in reality are rejecting ourselves and our deepest access to our authentic being. We have, unbeknown to our conscious awareness, rejected our selves and assumed the role of the grown up who so harshly judged and punished us long ago.

When we experience deep feelings of anxiety, fear, lack of, and  inadequacy arising in the moment, they are in raw reality nothing more than an unpleasant and palpable echo of our childhood trauma. We are simply re-experiencing the pain from a primal rejection and invalidation.

Eric Gross: ‘ Lack is established with the infantile trauma that gave birth to our Wound.  It is the PRE-VERBAL manifestation of our original and most decisive invalidation.  When the Wound tells us we are inadequate, we experience the feeling of lack.  This is the wound as a physical sensation. This is how the child in you felt when he or she was negated by those whose love you needed most.’

We can simply liberate ourselves by fully allowing and experience this very sensation of emptiness and lack as it is arising.  When we feel this lack and emptiness we can connect the sensation with our knowledge of the Wound of our primal rejection and invalidation. You simply watch the feeling and sensation in your body, and allow the impressions to sink in to your conscious mind, without obsessing or over focusing on it.  Just allow it to be whatever it wants to be, and connect with yourself as the observer of life, an empty canvas watching the clouds pass through.

We liberate ourselves from the power of lack and emptiness by simply ceasing to play the unconscious game of avoidance and resistance in to the moment to moment reality arising. You are in affect your own healer as you learn to be direct and honest with reality as it is emerging in and through you.

There is nothing to be afraid of, and there is nothing to fear.  You can embrace and be with reality in an intimate direct way as it is emerging and dancing in and through you as feelings and sensations.

In every conscious moment you are always free to see the compulsive movement within your being.  You are free to no longer unconsciously identify with the mental and emotional stories from your recollected past and the theatrical dramas inside your head.   They are no longer a part of your fluid awareness.

You are not alone as you notice the manifestation of a fear, pain, and suffering projected onto the canvas of life arising in and through you. We all carry these recollections of the wounds and scars of disconnection within us.  By allowing and bringing our projected fear selves into our conscious mind we learn to again open our hearts, wide open, with sweet, authentic and generous understanding and compassion to others around us.

The life force within you is fluid in direct connection with all of life itself  as spacious awareness, free from the contraption of mental and emotional boundaries, and free of conceptual time and space. and free from all agendas.

There are no deficiencies…only your open and raw awareness in learning!

About n h english

Natasha English is a Nondual / Transpersonal Therapist with a private practice in West Vancouver, BC. Since 2007 she has taken a psychosomatic approach to healing and personal development.
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One Response to The Discovery of your Wholeness

  1. Lori says:

    Hi Natasha:

    Love this blog–an expression I have long found true, is that you have to feel it to heal it. When we do an “emotional houdini” as you say, we miss the opportunity to move through the wounded self to our authentic being.

    Also, you said >>We have, unbeknown to our conscious awareness, rejected our selves and assumed the role of the grown up who so harshly judged and punished us long ago.<<

    I would add that we also reject our "weak and wounded" self because we strive for perfection (which ironically we already are) so that we will be "acceptable" to more than our judging parents–there is an existential wound, that ACIM so well addresses, that we (the ego) fear a harsh and punishing God.

    Keep on posting…love your wisdom

    L

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