Pain is the unseen door to finally heal.


When emotional pain intensifies and we are daily just trying to cope, it has become generalized a kind of self-ache, if you will. When this self ache intensifies, over time, it becomes a silent suffering. This kind of suffering is experienced as a numbing disconnection and emptiness from the core of your being.  This emotional self-ache is your repeated failure to act successfully on the natural motivation of pain. 

To heal and repair, we must follow the source of the pain

If it’s that simple, why is it so hard?

When we suffer we have gotten into the ‘habit’ of numbing out and avoiding our pain feedback.  This habitual pattern of avoidance of pain is systemic within our culture.  The pain is not recognized as our opportunity to attune and heal.  We will instead go to great length to numb and distract our selves from feeling the pain. We engage in numerous activities and behaviors’ to numb out and distract us from the consistent self-ache.  The pain-signals that should motivate self correction, healing, and integration is being ignored.

The common blind-spot pattern

Anything that numbs or avoids pain undermines your direct willingness and ability to attune and self correct.   The most common blind-spot is the stories we tell our selves and others about our pain.   We attempt to understand and make meaning about all the reasons we suffer.  Sometimes we blame our selves and sometimes we blame others.

The most common pattern is to revisit the many would, could and should have in search for meaning and understanding.   Another paralyzing pattern is when we blame others for the cause of our suffering. Others can trigger and put us in immediate contact with the core wounds that perpetuate the pain and suffering, but they are not the cause.

The common abdication pattern

All blame, resentment, anger, rage, hope and wishful thinking effectively paralyze constructive engagement and action.   This is how we abdicate the immediate need to be responsive to our own pain by believing our own stories. All the stories we tell ourselves render us powerless to get real with our lives and heal.

The solution to resolve our pain is not to be found in the stories we tell our selves.  It is further.   All root causes of emotional and physical pain can only be resolved by piercing the source that feed and sustain the pain.  Any avoidance and abdications to pain in you, emotional or physical, will in time build up and become intolerable. Pain and suffering, ignored, kills life!

It takes mindfulness and emotional reconditioning to break habits

When we avoid our pain we back it up into our energetic field.  Over time this makes the alarm of pain louder and more general.  Anxiety will build up and the pain will exceed or deplete your coping skills.

The first crucial step is to become aware and responsive to your pain, so the pain can work for you instead of against you.  As we attune to our ‘pain and suffering,’ we can start to peel back the layers of stories we tell ourselves about them.

By becoming aware and mindful we have an opportunity to connect with the root cause of our pain and suffering, and discover the mechanism within our body mind that sustain and feed the pain, and all the stories we tell ourselves about the pain.

Attune to your pain and suffering

The pain is a motivator to understand the under laying cause of your pain, and get intimate and direct with it.   As a life-saving alarm system, pain keeps us focused on distress, for the purpose of relieving it. The motivation is to re-evaluate and reap our pain feedback to achieve integration.   Painful emotions have a self-healing and self-correcting component. When we take advantage of it, we flourish. When we don’t, we suffer.

As we get responsive to the pain in us, the formerly intolerable sensations of our emotions, visible in our pain and suffering, can be not only tolerated, but can be felt and known as an essential part of our ability to heal and self correct.

What were formerly repressed emotions becomes the vital invitation from your source to attune and integrate. This integration forms the foundation to a new clarity of being.   A clarity and connection to life and well being that is not dependent on the context of thinking or story.


When you become present with life as it is, in you, through simply breathing and presencing into life, you start to observe and notice your own preferential structures and wishful thinking for outcomes.  It the silent space, between our conditioned thinking and feeling, we can start to awaken to what has been unseen. The seed of life, the wholeness unseen and unborn, become visible in you.

Your stories are the blanket between the idea of you and the uncertainty.

n. english

About n h english

Natasha English is a Transpersonal / Nondual Therapist with a private practice in West Vancouver, BC. Since 2007 she has taken a psychosomatic approach to healing and personal development.
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  2. wayne says:


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